Thankful Thursday #8

In last week's post I was thankful for the snowstorm we had and this week I am thankful for the sunny 60 degree days we had over the weekend. Only in the south can you see that great a change in the weather between days. The weekend was beautiful. After the Upward game I came home and spent 2 hours working in the yard, picking up limbs from the snowstorm and trimming a holly bush (those things are prickly).

Speaking of Upward, my cheerleading squad had its last practice tonight. I think the girls had a lot of fun this season; I know I did. We have our last game on Saturday and we will be doing the pom pom routine at halftime. We have worked on this routine all season.

Upward has given me an opportunity to invite my coworkers to a church activity. I have been talking all season about my 6 and 7 year old girls and how we are going to do the pom pom routine this week. At least 3 of my coworkers have agreed to come to the game. It is exciting and gives me warm fuzzies knowing that they normally wouldn't come to a church event but will come in support of me.

In Need of Comfort

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest" Matthew 11:28

Things at work are getting rough. Just one of those times when nothing seems to be going right. All I wanted to do today was come home, curl up in a ball, and pull the covers over my head. I did not want to do my meditation tonight. I told God I was too tired to learn anything tonight. Then I remembered that I am to bring all my worries and anxiety to Him (Rule #14). Then I was reminded that God will give me rest. I know last week I talked some about not submitting just for the rewards, but I do not serve a harsh taskmaster, but a loving God. He is my Creator, my Provider, my Sustainer. I am promised in Matthew 11:30 that His yoke is easy and His burden is light. An interesting cross reference is 1 John 3 This is love for God: to obey His commands. And His commands are not burdensome.

It would be nice if God could just take the problems away, but I know that they will be there tomorrow when I get to work (and they could possibly be worse). Therefore, I prayed for strength to face them. I also asked for rest. During the 15 minutes that I meditate I think I might have dozed off towards the end. I got up from that time feeling relaxed. It is almost too hard to keep my eyes open as I type this (thankfully I don't have to look at the keyboard when I type).

When I came home I wanted to curl up and hide, but now I want to stretch out in my bed and sleep peacefully. God is good.

Thankful Thursday #7

I have decided I really like taking baths. I wish I had a bigger bath tub, but overall it is nice just to soak in the hot water with my vanilla scented candle burning and think of nothing for 30 minutes or more. I know that it isn't the most water saving activity, so I only have a bath once a week or so (it really ruins the relaxation to feel guilty about wasting water).

We had a nice little snow storm last weekend. We usually get icy snow, but last week it was all powdery and soft. I didn't get any pictures because I didn't have a camera, but the dogs and I went for a fun walk in the snow.

Each week on Facebook I announce it is Thankful Thursday and my friends comment on what they are thankful for. Well today I forgot that it was Thursday and was distracted by other things at work so I was late in posting it. A couple of people expressed concern when they didn't see it up and it is nice to know that there are people paying attention and caring.

Worst Case Scenario

Years ago a game came out called Worst Case Scenario. When I saw it advertised, I thought there is a game for me. When faced with a situation I can easily jump to the worst possible outcome. I have never played the game and a few years after it came out someone I knew had played it. You were given the scenario and you had to figure out how to survive. So maybe it isn't my kind of game. My method of surviving worst case scenarios - avoid or flee.

Ok. So everyone tries to avoid the worst case scenario. However for me it oftens means I won't try something because the outcome could be really bad. In my economic classes we talk about risk takers and those who are risk aversed. I am definitely the latter. People have mentioned I sign up with an online dating service, but I immediately think I would be the one to end up with the creepy stalker dude.

I know though that if I want to do more than live under a rock for the rest of my life that I do have to take risks. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. On occasion I can put the worst case scenario thinking aside and attempt something. I usually am more likely to take a risk with the encouragement of others. I actually like when I take a chance because it means I am living life.

On Monday, I mentioned that I need to read my rules more often. I have been thinking about the rules since then. I chose those rules. They are all biblically based, but still I had to make a decision of what 20 rules I wanted on the list. I tried to make it as inclusive of all the things I have learned and read about the Christian life and how a Christian should behave. I also chose the order they are listed in. The first 2 commands listed are the most important. I should strive to make those the 2 commands I live daily by and if I practice the other rules to the point that come naturally to me then I will only need those 2 commands. The 3rd rule probably should have been the one I listed as #10 - tell others I follow Christ. The last command Jesus gave His disciples was "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everythoing I have commanded you."

To be honest, I wanted to leave it off the rule list all together. Why? It is not because I am ashamed that I am a Christian. It is because I am scared. If it is on the list then I should do it (ok. I should do share my faith regardless if I put it on the list or not, because no matter what I know it is something I as a Christian am suppose to do). But I would see it every time I read through the list and I would be reminded of my shortcomings.

So, what am I scared of.? Why is it so hard to share my faith. I fear rejection and ridicule (probably the ridicule more so). Rejection, though I don't like it, I can live with. But to be made fun of, that is hard to bear. I remember back to Sunday school lessons of how Jesus experience both of these and probably more so than I will ever experience. There are Christians in China and muslim dominant countries that face way worse than me for claiming to be a Christian. So that is not all that holds me back from sharing. My faith is very personal to me and as I have mentioned before I have trouble sharing personal things about me with others.

So I compromised and buried the command in the middle of the list. Middle items are seldom remembered. I didn't want it too close to the top or the bottom of the list so that when I read through I can quickly pass by it. I don't remember how much of this was conscious decision at the time of making the list, but I do remember it striking me as funny that it was smack dab in the middle. I tried to tell myself that after the first 2 rules that the rest were just random, but I know myself well enough to know that I seldom do anything random.

My church off and on will emphasis evanglism. A few weeks ago in Sunday school we had a time for focusing on who we could share our faith with. We prayed that God would show us someone in our lives that we could eventually share with. During that time of prayer I kept seeing over and over again a blog that I had been reading. Prior to that Sunday I had thought about contacting the couple and sharing with them how God had used their blog in my life. From what they say on the blog I am pretty sure they are not Christians. Every time I thought about contacting them I would talk myself out of it. The Sunday we prayed I had been feeling pretty unsettled, but couldn't put my finger on it. In the week or so leading up to that Sunday I had been thinking about how I could obey rule #10. When we prayed and I saw that blog I knew what I had to do. As soon as I acknowledged it I immediately felt more at peace.

As usual for me when I decide to do something I immediately think what is the worst that can happen. They will think I am crazy and email me back telling me so. The more I thought about it though I was pretty sure they wouldn't do that. They seem to be pretty open minded people. Also it is email. If they want to tell me I was crazy well at least I couldn't hear them yelling. They could block my email so that I couldn't contact them again. Ok. I am not the kind of person to bug the crap out of others so if they didn't contact me back I wouldn't try contacting them again. I don't think they could really block me from reading the blog. So when I really thought about it I knew my excuses were pretty thin.

My journey of submission to God has really been about changing my way of thinking. So I thought about what the best outcome - they would want to know more and I could help someone find eternal life. I also thought about the most realistic outcome and I came up with two. One, they would just ignore my email and not response. Two, they would email me back thanking me for reading the blog and possibly encouraging me in my submission.

So that Sunday afternoon, feeling pretty confident that I wouldn't be scorned, I sent the email. It was pretty simple. I thanked them for the blog and explained that God had been using it to teach me about submission to Him. I shared the plan of salvation by including simple I believe statements. I actually had to write the email twice because the first time something didn't work right and it didn't send. When it didn't go the first time I did reconsider if it was really what God wanted me to do. However, I was pretty confident that I was acting in obedience. So I tried again and this time it sent. The first day or so I did check my email the curosity and a hope that they responded. When several days past I had to remind myself that I did what I was told to do and I should rejoice in that fact and not worry about what the reponse (or lack there of). I had pleased God and that is what mattered. About a week later, I did receive an email. It thanked me for reading the blog and wished me luck in my submission.

Cyberspace is safe. I do not see the people I meet and they don't really know who I am so it is easier not to worry about their opinion of me. I thought about other people on the internet that I knew and wondered if I should send them emails telling them what I believe, but no one in particular came to mind. I know that God wouldn't be satisfied with me only telling my cyber friends, but it was so much safer to do.

Today I had to eat lunch by myself as my lunch pal was too busy with work to really stop and eat. I did not pack my lunch. I was running a little late and I didn't really want to eat the jambalya I made Sunday again. I thought about going to the cafe down the street from my building, but they give too big of portions and the food is usually pretty heavy. I wasn't really hungry, but I could tell I needed to eat. I could get a sandwich at the cafe, but they are like $5 and I didn't feel like spending that much on a sandwich. Finally I decided to go to Chick-fil-a. On Wednesdays they give free sandwiches to people associated with my workplace. So I really couldn't turn down a $3 meal (who have to buy a side and a drink). I debated on whether to eat there or bring it back. Usually if I am not eating with my lunch pal I sit at my desk and browse the internet. I really didn't feel like do that. So I decided that if they weren't real crowded then I would eat in (I felt bad for taking up a table for just me if there were a lot of people needing a table). As I walked out to my car I wished that I had a book or something to take with me. I keep a Bible in my car and so I thought I could read a little of it. On my drive there I really felt the need to ask an employee if I could pray for them. I have heard others who say they ask their server at restuarants about praying for them and I have also thought I can't do that. The more I thought about it the more I was convinced that I needed to ask the person who comes around the dining area taking trays and refilling drinks. Again I told myself maybe if it wasn't too crowded since really what was the worst that could happen. I didn't think the person would be too shocked. Chick-fil-a is an opening Christian business; they play Christian music. I don't think anyone working there would be offended to be asked.

I have to say that today it was the least crowded I have ever seen it at lunch time. So I was like I guess I should ask. I set my tray aside and arranged my lunch. I saw the girl cleaning around the dining area, but she never came for my tray. I was a little thankful since I thought I could get out of having to ask her. Finally she came by and took my tray and ... I chickened out. I just couldn't get the words out. After she walked away I was pretty bummed. I mean really how hard is it to say "Is there anything I can be praying about for you? I slowly finished my lunch and sat reading my Bible for a few minutes when she approached again. You could tell she didn't want to interrupt, but she asked if she could refill my drink. I said yes and then I sat there giving myself I little pep talk. When she turned I thanked her and ... I asked if I could pray for her. She was slightly startled maybe. I am sure that is not what she thought I would say, but also her reaction wasn't so stunned to think that she hadn't been asked before. She took a moment to consider and then she told me I could pray about direction as she is going to college soon. I noted her name (I was proud that I thought to do that because I would have kicked myseld later for not knowing). I told I would pray for her. Soon after I picked up my trash and as I left I prayed that God would give Chrissy direction as she considers college.

So two attempts and two times I have not fallen victim to the worst case scenario. I know soon God is going to ask me to share my faith with some a little closer to me. I pray that I will have the courage to obey and if not then I will allow my love for God to lead me in obedience.

A Time of Confession

Humble yourselves before the Lord, and He will lift you up. James 4:10


Tonight's meditation was a little different. I didn't have a verse per se to focus on. I felt like I needed to spend some time in confession. My thoughts and actions have not been what they should be lately so I felt that I needed to seek forgiveness.

As I prepared to kneel tonight I thought back over my submission to God and why I wanted to submit to Him. Before kneeling I read over James 4: 1-12. I also skimmed a few verses before and after that passage. Several things jumped out of me. I chose this passage since I had quoted James 4:7 in an earlier post on submission, but had never really looked at it.  I felt that I needed to focus more on submission than a verse tonight. Yesterday's sermon hit home for me. It was on the will of God in your life. Several of the points had to do with giving God all the conrol, submitting to Him, surrendering your desires. Sound familar? I have written those same things.

So tonight after my confession and I thought about a few of the verses from the James 4. It started with verse 8. I want to come near to God, I desire for God to be near to me. Why do I feel distanced from Him when just a few weeks ago I felt so close. Another sin was pointed out and again I confessed and sought forgiveness. Then my thoughts turned to the rules I wrote up a few weeks ago. The first week or so I read over them every day, but since they have been buried behind other post now I have not been reading them. Typically when I pray I know that God is speaking to me because my thoughts go in directions that I would not necessarily think. When I am convicted, the words or action is verbal (if that makes sense) in my head. Occasionally when I have sinned against someone I will picture their face, but rarely do I have a visual when speaking with God. Tonight though as I was asking why I feel the distance between me and God, I was seeing a man (a father) sitting in a chair. He sat silently, like a parent would while waiting for their child to speak, to come to their own conclusions. "Why are you silent", I asked. This is when my rules came to the forefront. It was like God was telling me that I had everything I needed to feel close to Him, to be near Him, if I would just follow the rules. I ran through some of the rules that I could remember. Love the Lord; Love your neigherbor; your body is a holy temple; be patient, kind, gentle, self-controlled; tell others about Jesus.

James 4:10 came to mind and I repeated it to myself several times. It seemed to settle me unlike other verses I had thought of during this time. Then the question - why do I want to submit to God? If you have read my other posts you know the answer - I want to experience life abundantly. But that isn't why I should desire to submit to God. I was created to glorify God. I was not created so that He could give me good things. He gives me good things because He loves me and cherishes me as His creation, as His child. I was making my submission about me. I was reading a blog post on Domestic Daisy's blog the other day where she talked about holding her submissin hostage (I must note that Daisy and he husband practice a form of domestic discipline and her blog does have an adult content warning though I am not pointing to anything explicit I thought I should mention it for those reading my blog). I didn't really understand what she was talking about. But now I kind of wonder if that is what I am doing with God. I only submit so much and only as long as I am getting something from it. However, I am not to submit to God for what I can get out of it. I am to submit to God because I desire Him to be glorified.

My 15 minutes of meditation seemed to only touch the tip of the iceberg of the ephinany or what God is trying to tell me. I have worked through some of the thoughts here, but it feels like so much more needs to be worked through. I will probably write in my private journal about some of this and see what comes of it. Often for me writing out what I am talking to God about helps me to hear Him better. I think because I have to think more (slow down my brain so that I can write the words and think about what I am writing so that it makes sense and in doing so I pay more attention to what I am actually thinking). I will probably come back to this and I might share more of what I write in my private journal.

Thankful Thursday #6

I am once again healthy; the head cold from last week is all gone. On Sunday I heard the sweetest sound, my 7 years old niece was singing along with the praise songs at church. Her reading skills have really improved this year and she is becoming more familar with the songs. She is a really good singer too.

Snagged in the web of an old habit

Trust in the Lord... Proverbs 3:5

It is easy to slip into old habits. It happens so slowly sometimes that you don't realize you are doing it until oops your caught in the web. That is where I found myself today. Sometime this afternoon I started thinking about my weekly meditation and discovered that I hadn't really though about it since last week. Granted I was sick most of the week and was sleeping whenever I wasn't at work, but still I thought about the times I was awake for just dozing in bed. Times that I could have easily focused on God for a few minutes. Instead I wondered what I would do if I was the main character in the story I am reading or what in the world is going on with Lost. It got to the point whenever there wasn't something needing my attention I would immediately begin daydreaming.

I think I was already doing this some the week before, hence the I got nothing Meditative Monday. I wrote it off at first as trying not to dictate to God what I wanted to meditate on, but to wait for Him to show me. But all I was doing was cutting off communication with God.

I still had no clue what to meditate on tonight when I got home from work. Nothing was coming to be. I looked back over what I had meditated on before but still nothing was coming to mind. I was starting to wonder if maybe tonight there wouldn't be a verse.  Maybe tonight needed to be a time of confession. I sifted through what I might need to confess. I know that my thoughts had not been where they should be and that become more obvious the more I thought about it.

I ran across a new to me blog today and a new post was made while I was looking over my past posts. In this post one of her statements really stood out to me - "God has given me the ability to trust Him; and if I do, my 'self' will become a conduit for His strength, given to others." Immediately Proverbs 3:5 popped into my head.

I read the rest of the verse and was struck by the second half, lean not on your own understanding. It brought me back to last week's verse, my thoughts are not your thoughts. I also went on to read verse 6 since it is the completion of the thought started in verse 5, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. My study Bible has a side note for verse 6, "In the original Hebrew, 'in all your ways acknowledge Him' is more literally 'in all your ways know Him.' This fundamental statement of how to relate to God implies more than mere reverence. Nodding in God's direction is not enough; you must know Him by  living closely with Him, relating to Him personally in every aspect of the your life." After reading this comment it seemed that I have full circled back to what I was meditating the first week and I can see how all the verses I have meditated on the past month are connected.

When I knelt to meditate I wasn't sure what part of the two verses I would really be focusing on. It quickly became evident that it would be Trust in the Lord. By slipping back into old habits, I can see where I have failed to trust God. I started this journey into deeper submission to God because I want to know Him more, I want to serve Him more, I want to experience the abundant life that only He can provide. In order to submit I must fully trust. If you talk (or in my case read) to any of the people that live in complete submission to their husbands trust is an issue that comes up again and again. Without trust they cannot submit. It is the same with God. I must fully trust Him in order to fully submit to Him.

When I changed my focus from God to whatever entertainment I focused on I basically said that I know better how to make my life fulfilling. Entertainment is not bad or wrong, but it should not be my sole focus or the thing I immediately run to when I have a free moment.

I need to trust God even when I don't understand or not sure where He is headed for I know by focusing on Him I can know His thoughts and ways and His desires will consume me. By knowing Him in all my ways I can experience the excitement and pleasure of life abundantly.

Thankful Thursday #5

I'm staying home today because I am sick so I thought I would write early today in case later I feel worse.

I am thankful that I have sick days where when I feel icky I can stay home but not worry about losing my job or not getting paid.

I am thankful that I am healthy. Though I feel miserable right now I know that there are a ton of diseases out there that would be a whole lot worse than this sickness.

I am thankful that I have access to healthcare providers. If I later I decide I need to go to the doctor I can call and will get in today. And because am blessed with health insurance it won't cost me an arm and a leg.

I got nothing

"For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways," declares the LORD. Isaiah 55:8

I got nothing. Seriously, I am not too sure why God thought I should meditate on this verse this week. I still had delight yourself in the Lord swimming through my head the past week but every once in a while my thoughts are not your thoughts would pop in my head. I have a note that I wrotein my Bible by this verse that says God sees the big picture, we only see a small corner.

I read through the whole passage in hopes of shining some light on what God was trying to say. Verses 11 and 12 caught my eye. I thought that verses 12 and 13 would be something we might discuss in my Sunday night discipleship class. But still nothing was really standing out. It is like it is just beyond my reach whatever it is that God is trying to tell me. I wonder if it is something I don't want to hear. Or maybe something I am not ready to hear. Is is just preparation?

I looked at some commentary, too. I liked what Matthew Henry had to say about verses 6 - 13. Still not knowing where it is going but I will highlight a few things that interest me in the commentary.

"Here is a gracious offer of pardon, and peace, and of all happiness. It shall not be in vain to seek God, now his word is calling to us, and his Spirit is striving with us. But there is a day coming when he will not be found. There may come such a time in this life; it is certain that at death and judgment the door will be shut. There must be not only a change of the way, but a change of the mind. We must alter our judgments about persons and things. It is not enough to break off from evil practices, we must strive against evil thoughts. To repent is to return to our Lord, against whom we have rebelled. If we do so, God will multiply to pardon, as we have multiplied to offend. But let none trifle with this plenteous mercy, or use it as an occasion to sin. Men's thoughts concerning sin, Christ, and holiness, concerning this world and the other, vastly differ from God's; but in nothing more than in the matter of pardon. We forgive, and cannot forget; but when God forgives sin, he remembers it no more. The power of his word in the kingdoms of providence and grace, is as certain as in that of nature. Sacred truth produces a spiritual change in the mind of men, which neither rain nor snow can make on the earth. It shall not return to the Lord without producing important effects. If we take a special view of the church, we shall find what great things God has done, and will do for it. The Jews shall come to their own land; this shall represent the blessings promised. Gospel grace will make a great change in men. Delivered from the wrath to come, the converted sinner finds peace in his conscience; and love constrains him to devote himself to the service of his Redeemer. Instead of being profane, contentious, selfish, or sensual, behold him patient, humble, kind, and peaceable. The hope of helping in such a work should urge us to spread the gospel of salvation. And do thou help us, O Spirit of all truth, to have such views of the fulness, freeness, and greatness of the rich mercy in Christ, as may remove from us all narrow views of sovereign grace." Matthew Henry's Concise Commentary

As far as the practice of meditation:
I am meditating for 10 minutes right now on Mondays. I was not really feeling it tonight, though. I kind of just wanted to forget about it. I am tired, my neck is stiff, the burn on my hand is cracking and stinging. But I did it any ways because I hoped God would enlighten me. I struggled; my mind kept wandering to something else and the dogs wouldn't settle.

I have noticed that during other prayer times I can settle my mind more quickly and I am not so quick to jump right into talking and keep talking. In Sunday school yesterday we had silent prayer for like 5 minutes. I noticed that I was able to easily focus my mind on what we were to be praying about and instead of directing the conversation I was able to listen. I don't know if it really was 5 minutes or not, but it didn't feel like it was never ending as it would have tended to before.