Confused part 2

For I desire mercy, not sacrifice, and acknowledment of God rather than burnt offerings. Hosea 6:6

This verse goes sort of with last week's verse. The two have popped in my head several times in the past week. It seemed at one point some clarity was coming, but alas I still wasn't sure what it all meant. Tonight, I read all of chapter 6. What caught my attention was verse 3 "acknowledge God, press on to acknowledg God." It reminded me of the verse that started me down this path - Be still and know I am God.

In both Hosea and Micah, it is mentioned that Israel is arrogant. As I sat meditating  I was brought back to once again whether I should finish my Ph.D. or not. I thought about why I started the program. It was to prove my self-worth. I will admit I have often thought my secterial position is beneath me. Though I don't care if I use my Ph.D. I wanted it because it proved something. It is a points of pride. I thought about my current position. I could be very content in it. Things have improved that I no longer dread going to work. And if I would do my work; it would be something to be proud of.

Before I entered the Ph.D. program, I dated a guy who thought just about everything out of my mouth was illogical; any arguments I made were senseless. It is no wonder I stopped trying to open up to him and he thought there was nothing "below the surface." I have worth whether I have a Ph.D. or not. I am worthy because God created me and declare it good.

When I got to the last step of my Ph.D. that is when I faltered. I was continually told to go back through my dissertation. I started "hearing" it isn't good enough; you are not good enough. Then I did the presentation - and there was more criticism. I started thinking may the guy was right, maybe I can't make a logical argument, maybe I am not capable of deeply thinking about a subject. In the midst of this I was dealing with other situations that made feel like a failure. My depression was becoming worse and I gave up on finishing my Ph.D.

I wanted to stand before man and be declared right. I can stand before God in rightness solely because of the death and resurrection of Jesus Christ. I do not need man's approval.

Do I need to finish? I don't know. Will it just make be prideful? That is not what God wants. Will it make me more discontent with my current circumstances? Possibly. What does God want me to do? I am not sure in respect to my Ph.D. I know that He wants me to acknowledge Him. To have a close, intimate, meaningful relationship with Him.