Snagged in the web of an old habit

Trust in the Lord... Proverbs 3:5

It is easy to slip into old habits. It happens so slowly sometimes that you don't realize you are doing it until oops your caught in the web. That is where I found myself today. Sometime this afternoon I started thinking about my weekly meditation and discovered that I hadn't really though about it since last week. Granted I was sick most of the week and was sleeping whenever I wasn't at work, but still I thought about the times I was awake for just dozing in bed. Times that I could have easily focused on God for a few minutes. Instead I wondered what I would do if I was the main character in the story I am reading or what in the world is going on with Lost. It got to the point whenever there wasn't something needing my attention I would immediately begin daydreaming.

I think I was already doing this some the week before, hence the I got nothing Meditative Monday. I wrote it off at first as trying not to dictate to God what I wanted to meditate on, but to wait for Him to show me. But all I was doing was cutting off communication with God.

I still had no clue what to meditate on tonight when I got home from work. Nothing was coming to be. I looked back over what I had meditated on before but still nothing was coming to mind. I was starting to wonder if maybe tonight there wouldn't be a verse.  Maybe tonight needed to be a time of confession. I sifted through what I might need to confess. I know that my thoughts had not been where they should be and that become more obvious the more I thought about it.

I ran across a new to me blog today and a new post was made while I was looking over my past posts. In this post one of her statements really stood out to me - "God has given me the ability to trust Him; and if I do, my 'self' will become a conduit for His strength, given to others." Immediately Proverbs 3:5 popped into my head.

I read the rest of the verse and was struck by the second half, lean not on your own understanding. It brought me back to last week's verse, my thoughts are not your thoughts. I also went on to read verse 6 since it is the completion of the thought started in verse 5, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your paths straight. My study Bible has a side note for verse 6, "In the original Hebrew, 'in all your ways acknowledge Him' is more literally 'in all your ways know Him.' This fundamental statement of how to relate to God implies more than mere reverence. Nodding in God's direction is not enough; you must know Him by  living closely with Him, relating to Him personally in every aspect of the your life." After reading this comment it seemed that I have full circled back to what I was meditating the first week and I can see how all the verses I have meditated on the past month are connected.

When I knelt to meditate I wasn't sure what part of the two verses I would really be focusing on. It quickly became evident that it would be Trust in the Lord. By slipping back into old habits, I can see where I have failed to trust God. I started this journey into deeper submission to God because I want to know Him more, I want to serve Him more, I want to experience the abundant life that only He can provide. In order to submit I must fully trust. If you talk (or in my case read) to any of the people that live in complete submission to their husbands trust is an issue that comes up again and again. Without trust they cannot submit. It is the same with God. I must fully trust Him in order to fully submit to Him.

When I changed my focus from God to whatever entertainment I focused on I basically said that I know better how to make my life fulfilling. Entertainment is not bad or wrong, but it should not be my sole focus or the thing I immediately run to when I have a free moment.

I need to trust God even when I don't understand or not sure where He is headed for I know by focusing on Him I can know His thoughts and ways and His desires will consume me. By knowing Him in all my ways I can experience the excitement and pleasure of life abundantly.