Worst Case Scenario

Years ago a game came out called Worst Case Scenario. When I saw it advertised, I thought there is a game for me. When faced with a situation I can easily jump to the worst possible outcome. I have never played the game and a few years after it came out someone I knew had played it. You were given the scenario and you had to figure out how to survive. So maybe it isn't my kind of game. My method of surviving worst case scenarios - avoid or flee.

Ok. So everyone tries to avoid the worst case scenario. However for me it oftens means I won't try something because the outcome could be really bad. In my economic classes we talk about risk takers and those who are risk aversed. I am definitely the latter. People have mentioned I sign up with an online dating service, but I immediately think I would be the one to end up with the creepy stalker dude.

I know though that if I want to do more than live under a rock for the rest of my life that I do have to take risks. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. On occasion I can put the worst case scenario thinking aside and attempt something. I usually am more likely to take a risk with the encouragement of others. I actually like when I take a chance because it means I am living life.

On Monday, I mentioned that I need to read my rules more often. I have been thinking about the rules since then. I chose those rules. They are all biblically based, but still I had to make a decision of what 20 rules I wanted on the list. I tried to make it as inclusive of all the things I have learned and read about the Christian life and how a Christian should behave. I also chose the order they are listed in. The first 2 commands listed are the most important. I should strive to make those the 2 commands I live daily by and if I practice the other rules to the point that come naturally to me then I will only need those 2 commands. The 3rd rule probably should have been the one I listed as #10 - tell others I follow Christ. The last command Jesus gave His disciples was "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everythoing I have commanded you."

To be honest, I wanted to leave it off the rule list all together. Why? It is not because I am ashamed that I am a Christian. It is because I am scared. If it is on the list then I should do it (ok. I should do share my faith regardless if I put it on the list or not, because no matter what I know it is something I as a Christian am suppose to do). But I would see it every time I read through the list and I would be reminded of my shortcomings.

So, what am I scared of.? Why is it so hard to share my faith. I fear rejection and ridicule (probably the ridicule more so). Rejection, though I don't like it, I can live with. But to be made fun of, that is hard to bear. I remember back to Sunday school lessons of how Jesus experience both of these and probably more so than I will ever experience. There are Christians in China and muslim dominant countries that face way worse than me for claiming to be a Christian. So that is not all that holds me back from sharing. My faith is very personal to me and as I have mentioned before I have trouble sharing personal things about me with others.

So I compromised and buried the command in the middle of the list. Middle items are seldom remembered. I didn't want it too close to the top or the bottom of the list so that when I read through I can quickly pass by it. I don't remember how much of this was conscious decision at the time of making the list, but I do remember it striking me as funny that it was smack dab in the middle. I tried to tell myself that after the first 2 rules that the rest were just random, but I know myself well enough to know that I seldom do anything random.

My church off and on will emphasis evanglism. A few weeks ago in Sunday school we had a time for focusing on who we could share our faith with. We prayed that God would show us someone in our lives that we could eventually share with. During that time of prayer I kept seeing over and over again a blog that I had been reading. Prior to that Sunday I had thought about contacting the couple and sharing with them how God had used their blog in my life. From what they say on the blog I am pretty sure they are not Christians. Every time I thought about contacting them I would talk myself out of it. The Sunday we prayed I had been feeling pretty unsettled, but couldn't put my finger on it. In the week or so leading up to that Sunday I had been thinking about how I could obey rule #10. When we prayed and I saw that blog I knew what I had to do. As soon as I acknowledged it I immediately felt more at peace.

As usual for me when I decide to do something I immediately think what is the worst that can happen. They will think I am crazy and email me back telling me so. The more I thought about it though I was pretty sure they wouldn't do that. They seem to be pretty open minded people. Also it is email. If they want to tell me I was crazy well at least I couldn't hear them yelling. They could block my email so that I couldn't contact them again. Ok. I am not the kind of person to bug the crap out of others so if they didn't contact me back I wouldn't try contacting them again. I don't think they could really block me from reading the blog. So when I really thought about it I knew my excuses were pretty thin.

My journey of submission to God has really been about changing my way of thinking. So I thought about what the best outcome - they would want to know more and I could help someone find eternal life. I also thought about the most realistic outcome and I came up with two. One, they would just ignore my email and not response. Two, they would email me back thanking me for reading the blog and possibly encouraging me in my submission.

So that Sunday afternoon, feeling pretty confident that I wouldn't be scorned, I sent the email. It was pretty simple. I thanked them for the blog and explained that God had been using it to teach me about submission to Him. I shared the plan of salvation by including simple I believe statements. I actually had to write the email twice because the first time something didn't work right and it didn't send. When it didn't go the first time I did reconsider if it was really what God wanted me to do. However, I was pretty confident that I was acting in obedience. So I tried again and this time it sent. The first day or so I did check my email the curosity and a hope that they responded. When several days past I had to remind myself that I did what I was told to do and I should rejoice in that fact and not worry about what the reponse (or lack there of). I had pleased God and that is what mattered. About a week later, I did receive an email. It thanked me for reading the blog and wished me luck in my submission.

Cyberspace is safe. I do not see the people I meet and they don't really know who I am so it is easier not to worry about their opinion of me. I thought about other people on the internet that I knew and wondered if I should send them emails telling them what I believe, but no one in particular came to mind. I know that God wouldn't be satisfied with me only telling my cyber friends, but it was so much safer to do.

Today I had to eat lunch by myself as my lunch pal was too busy with work to really stop and eat. I did not pack my lunch. I was running a little late and I didn't really want to eat the jambalya I made Sunday again. I thought about going to the cafe down the street from my building, but they give too big of portions and the food is usually pretty heavy. I wasn't really hungry, but I could tell I needed to eat. I could get a sandwich at the cafe, but they are like $5 and I didn't feel like spending that much on a sandwich. Finally I decided to go to Chick-fil-a. On Wednesdays they give free sandwiches to people associated with my workplace. So I really couldn't turn down a $3 meal (who have to buy a side and a drink). I debated on whether to eat there or bring it back. Usually if I am not eating with my lunch pal I sit at my desk and browse the internet. I really didn't feel like do that. So I decided that if they weren't real crowded then I would eat in (I felt bad for taking up a table for just me if there were a lot of people needing a table). As I walked out to my car I wished that I had a book or something to take with me. I keep a Bible in my car and so I thought I could read a little of it. On my drive there I really felt the need to ask an employee if I could pray for them. I have heard others who say they ask their server at restuarants about praying for them and I have also thought I can't do that. The more I thought about it the more I was convinced that I needed to ask the person who comes around the dining area taking trays and refilling drinks. Again I told myself maybe if it wasn't too crowded since really what was the worst that could happen. I didn't think the person would be too shocked. Chick-fil-a is an opening Christian business; they play Christian music. I don't think anyone working there would be offended to be asked.

I have to say that today it was the least crowded I have ever seen it at lunch time. So I was like I guess I should ask. I set my tray aside and arranged my lunch. I saw the girl cleaning around the dining area, but she never came for my tray. I was a little thankful since I thought I could get out of having to ask her. Finally she came by and took my tray and ... I chickened out. I just couldn't get the words out. After she walked away I was pretty bummed. I mean really how hard is it to say "Is there anything I can be praying about for you? I slowly finished my lunch and sat reading my Bible for a few minutes when she approached again. You could tell she didn't want to interrupt, but she asked if she could refill my drink. I said yes and then I sat there giving myself I little pep talk. When she turned I thanked her and ... I asked if I could pray for her. She was slightly startled maybe. I am sure that is not what she thought I would say, but also her reaction wasn't so stunned to think that she hadn't been asked before. She took a moment to consider and then she told me I could pray about direction as she is going to college soon. I noted her name (I was proud that I thought to do that because I would have kicked myseld later for not knowing). I told I would pray for her. Soon after I picked up my trash and as I left I prayed that God would give Chrissy direction as she considers college.

So two attempts and two times I have not fallen victim to the worst case scenario. I know soon God is going to ask me to share my faith with some a little closer to me. I pray that I will have the courage to obey and if not then I will allow my love for God to lead me in obedience.