Have I grown up?

In fact, though by this time you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you the elementary truths of God's word all over again. Hebrews 5: 12


Tonight's meditation was a challenge; instead of a single verse I meditate more on a passage. The verse above pretty much summarizes Hebrews 5:11-14. It is something I have thought about since hearing a sermon on Feb. 21.

On Dec. 14, I had my wisdom teeth removed. If you have had this procedure done you know that for the first day or so you cannot eat solid food. Due to a minor complication (I had a "significant" bone fragment in my gum - the doctor's words, it was large and painful - my words), I did not eat true solid food for over a week. I pretty much had only Carnation instant breakfasts for every meal for a week and the second week I was still drinking at least 2 instant breakfasts a day. Two weeks after the surgery the swelling was down enough to discover the bone fragment which was promptly removed and my eating habits quickly returned to normal.

Instant breakfast is basically formula for adults. I drink them fairly regularly for breakfast during the work week because they are quick and provide me with enough protein to make it to lunch. But to live off them solely is not enough. It does not sustain me. I lost at least 5 pounds the first week (I don't own a scale and I happened to be at my sister's house a week after the surgery). I was exhausted, absolutely no energy. I went back to work less than 24 hours after my surgery (please don't try this at home. I don't really remember the drive to work on that Tuesday). So my daily activities remained the same for the week following the surgery. Thankfully I was on holiday after that.

Remembering my time of subsisting basically on milk alone and how I was not satisfied (I was hungry all the time) I thought about how it is with the Christian life. Just as adults after eating solid food cannot not live again on milk alone, mature Christians cannot be satisfied by merely being fed the word of God once they have delved deeper into their own personal study. Last year, I attempted to survive only on spiritual milk, relying on Bible study teachers and the preacher to provide my nourishment. However, I had already matured past the point where milk would sustain me. I was eating solid food. "acquainted with the teaching about righteousness" (Hebrews 5:13) and "trained [myself] to distinguish good from evil" Hebrew 5:14.

When I knelt to meditate tonight I was debating whether I was still a baby requiring milk or if indeed I am spiritually mature and need meat to sustain me. I knew the answer so I asked why do I need to contemplate these two verses. Then I focused on "the elementary truths of God's word" (Hebrews 5:12). Though I no longer require someone to teach me the fundamental truths of my faith and I still need to be reminded of them and study them. Much like though I am an adult I still need milk to ensure a healthy diet.

I felt reassured about my Christian growth, but also convicted to return to solid food. My personal Bible study has still been lacking. My Meditative Mondays have helped me to at least open my Bible 1 day a week, but this is like the occasional baked potato, banana, or Frosty that I ate during my recovery. They provided an increase in calories and nutrients, but not enough to increase my energy level or give me the feeling of being full like a Five Guys cheeseburger and fries did. During the sermon that got me thinking about this we were challenged to read John by the end of March. Again going along with the analogy that I should still drink milk although I have moved to solid foods. Often new Christians are encouraged to read through John as the basics of the faith are well outlined in the book.  I am going to take the challenge since where I left off with my Bible reading last year isn't exactly the most exciting part of the Bible (I was in Ezekiel where he is given the blueprints for the temple).

One last thing to say about my meditation on Hebrews 5:11-14 is probably the one true thought that came to me during the 15 minutes (the rest of the above I have been thinking about for the past week). When this thought entered my head my eyes popped open and my head jerked up (I have found it comfortable to meditate in the yoga position known as child's pose). Remember a few weeks ago I wondered if maybe God was trying to tell me something I wasn't ready to hear? Well I think He told me it today and since I was focused on something else my guard was down and He slipped it in. In probably the last minute or two of my time I was brought back to the first part of verse 12 "you ought to be teachers..." Uh, Uh, WHAT!?

I love my small group teachers. I love sitting under their teaching. I learn and am challenged every week by them. I am not too happy with my small group. Though we have a few more permanent members most are transient since they are in graduate school. I have been with my group for the last ten years. No one remains from the first day I attended the group (well one of the teachers is now back after taking a break for several years). Many of them are 5 - 10 years younger than me. It has been discussed to start a class for singles in their 30s, but finding a teacher for adult small groups is difficult. A year and a half or two years ago I started thinking if we can get members I guess I could teach it. I have the personality that if no one else will step up I will. I didn't really feel called, but I knew we would need a teacher. I am scared to teach a new class; if we can't make it work I will think it is all my fault. I wasn't called then and if I had stepped up it would have failed when I experienced my valley of darkness. Maybe God is calling me now.  From the things that I have learned the past two months about who God is, His will, and submission to Him, that whether the group suceeds or fails is NOT reliant on my ability as a teacher, but on my trust and willingness to obey God.