Is this a test?

...His understanding has no limit. Psalm 147:5

This past week I have felt like God is laughing at me. I know He is not, well maybe trying to hide a chuckle. I wanted to be angry with God, but I knew He was right so it kind of took the fire out it.

It seems no sooner had I pledge to surrender my life completely to Him (see this post) that God is testing to see if I am truthful. I knew when I made the pledge that God would challenge me, push me to my limits. I didn't think it would be so soon.

This week I am faced with a decision. Can I put away my desire in order to do Kingdom work? Can I trust God to protect me? I think this is an excerise in trust. When I surrendered myself on Palm Sunday I knew that meant God could do whatever and that when faced with the path He has chosen for me I might balk at it. But I know He is beside me.

Tonight's meditation brought that truth to light. When I say God is laughing at me I don't think He is being mean. It is more like the chuckle that a parent has trouble hiding when their child doesn't quite get what is going on. God's understanding knows no limit. He cares for me beyond measure. He understand greater than I do how much of the struggle this path will be for me. But I also have confidence that I can resist the temptation (I have struggled this week with whether or not I am rationalizing my actions so that I get my way).

This situation is in God's hands. I have sought Godly counsel and I was told to follow the prompting of the Holy Spirit. All I can do is take the next step for as of right now I do believe that God has a plan for putting me in this situation. I am not sure what that plan is or truly how to proceed. But taking one step will either lead me through the open door or close it to me. I must not rush 10 steps ahead and get lost in the what ifs my mind wants to create. I can only trust that God will lead my steps.