Being confident of this, He who began a good work in you will continue it on until the day of Christ Jesus. Philippians 1:6
I want to go to sleep and never wake up. Life is crumbling down around me. I am so stressed and anxious that I am physically ill. I am tiring so hard to do everything right that I am making more mistakes. I feel like I stand alone.
I spent my 20 minutes of meditation in tears. Where is God? He is suppose to be strong when I am weak. And I am weak at this moment. He is suppose to be my Comfort and Strong Tower where I can take refuge. How am I suppose to face tomorrow? Just because He lives does not help me know how to deal with the stuff I face.
If He started a good work in me and is continuing it, then why do I feel like such a failure?
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It has been a while since you wrote this so I don't know how you are doing now, but I wanted to encourage you. In trying so hard are you still giving it all to Christ? It is my experience that no matter how hard we try we can do nothing without Him. It is often when we draw closer to God that we see more of our mistakes, not necessarily that we actually make more. Also, whose standard are you measuring yourself by? Your own? The worlds? When we measure ourselves by any standard other than Christ's then we will always fail and will feel that failure. Forget everything else and look to God's promises. The above verse, Phil 1:6, is one such promise. It doesn't say that God might begin a good work or that He might continue it, it says that He HAS began a good work in you and that He WILL continue it until your end. Another promise is this: God will never leave you, nor forsake you. Hold onto that, even when it feels as though He is nowhere to be found, He is there and He is watching out for you.
ReplyDeleteOne last thought:
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path." -Proverbs 3:5-6
I hope that things are better for you now and that this gives you some encouragment.
Hugs!
Alice